The job will be finish in no time...

C.Y.A. or C.O.A. operation.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Eugene,

Stealth Maintenance --- Work performed(usually not authorized by the beanies) that does not show up on the books.

Three Station-wagon Emergency- At our plant the higher managers were given company cars- station wagons. If the machine went down for more than a few minutes, the production manager would drive up to the building. If the problem was serious the plant manger would show up. If the machine looked like it could be down for a day or more, the Vice president would be there too. All the important people would stand around, asking questions and looking concerned.

So if you were going from one building to the next and you saw three station wagons you knew you were going be there a long time. At this point you should call your wife and tell her that you had a Three Station-wagon Emergency

"Chiefs Conference"

When something broke down, and there were a lot of white hats standing around "analyzing" the problem, we had the typical "too many chiefs, no indian" situation.
After the chiefs went to their strategic tents again productivity/creativity peaked again.

I remember my first "Chiefs Conference" maybe ten years ago. A big problem was going on at the plant; surely a lot of investigations, data crunching, possible causes to be identified or discarted, until root cause and solution be found were required. The Operations Director, Quality Director, Commercial Director, Quality Manager, Production Manager, Technical Services Manager were there, and me (the only one without any level of "chief" at his job title). You already guess who received a three months assigment to be completed in 31 days or less.
Funny thing, my boss was not at the meeting!

Moral of the story:
* never attend a "Chief Conference".
* if you can not escape from it, do not enter without your boss.

I always admired the camouflage techniques employed by the "indjuns", on these occasions, they became invisible !!!

Looking at the past, after that assigment, the "penacho" of this indjun started to get more and more eagle featers.

And the invisible indjuns complaining that management doesn't see them!!!

I am at a loss for unique terms for the following situations and would like input ...

1am call from boss saying he needs you at the plant ...

getting to the plant to find it was because he locked his keys in car ...

the feeling of wrestling a 6' X 3-15/16" shaft around by yourself with 15 managers watching ...

recalling the last budget meeting where lifting rigs were deemed too expensive ...

telling your boss for 6 months that a bearing is going to fail and he laughs about it ...

seeing your boss explain to his boss why that bearing failed ...


and my favorite:

When you finally get the machine running and it runs better than when new ...

I think these are very common situations, or ones similar, and we should lay out common terms for these. I look forward to the replies.

Take Care,

quote:

the feeling of wrestling a 6' X 3-15/16" shaft around by yourself with 15 managers watching ...

easy one: attending Chiefs Conference

quote:

telling your boss for 6 months that a bearing is going to fail and he laughs about it ...
seeing your boss explain to his boss why that bearing failed ...

He assumed that the bearing wouldn't fail, donkey talk ???

This message has been edited. Last edited by: svanels,

We will look into it..

The boss is always right.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Josh,

Do quality maintenance when the maintenance is firefighting!

1.Net Lag: That glazed look when you have been online for too long.

2.Meerkatting: When something happens in a call centre with cubicles, where people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

3.Open-Collar Workers: People who work at home or telecommute.

4.Adminisphere: The rarefied organisation layers beginning just above the rank of call centre manager. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

5.Stress puppy: A person who thrives on being stressed-out and whiny.

6.Keyboard Plaque: The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on a computer keyboard.

7.Idea hamsters: People who always seem to have their idea generators running .

8.Mouse potato: The on-line generation's answer to the couch potato.

9.Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

10.Under Mouse Arrest: Getting busted for violating the company’s web browsing rule of conduct.

11.It's a Feature: From the adage "It's not a bug, it's a feature." Used sarcastically to describe an unpleasant experience that you wish to gloss over.

12.Alpha Geek: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. "Ask Tim, he's the alpha geek around here."

13.Mission critical: We are stuffed if this fails!

14.Salmon Day: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed in the end.

15.Chainsaw consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands

404: Someone who is clueless, from the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found", meaning the requested document couldn't be located.

I liked blamestorming and chainsaw consultant.

Note:

"Chiefs Conference" is always held in the open sky at the battlefield, it is not an "indoors" activity.

"HSCU" usually performed at night after last round of readings.
Acronym for "High Speed Cover-Up" action

Not to be confused with HSEQ (Health Safety Environment and Quality) although pronouncement is similar

mathematics

• smart boss + smart employee = profit
  
• smart boss + dumb employee = production
  
• dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
  
• dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime